I thought I’d treat you to another of my thrilling photo montages. Because I’m too busy living the dream to write a proper post.
I will, however, warm you up by painting a picture of my day through the medium of prose.
We’ve been trying to crank the kids’ manners back to something resembling acceptable - an absence from school plus our dwindling enthusiasm for parenting has meant the pleases and thank yous are not as forthcoming as they might be. I realised yesterday that we have a long way to go when, as she cycled up behind me, Bella yelled: “MOVE OUT THE WAY!”
Also on the agenda yesterday was a fun-filled family outing to the butcher, which meant we had to run the gauntlet of the free lollies they hand out to kids. Mine no longer wait to be offered one but stride in ahead of me and request one before I’ve even set foot inside the door. See, those manners again.
And just to reinforce that we really are becoming ‘that’ family, mid-way through his lolly, in the middle of the high street, Henry declared loudly: “Mummy my lolly smells of a public toilet - here sniff it. See?” Excellent.
As well as a nice chat with the butcher, we saw a few people we knew in the village so stopped to pass the time of day. I popped round to someone’s house to collect a book she’d offered to lend me. And I eyeballed some youths on the common who were being a bit liberal with the weed at 3pm, giving them my ‘you’re not impressing anyone’ mum face. So with all that in mind you can imagine my joy at getting home to discover my flies were undone.
Sadly no photographic evidence of that but here’s some other stuff that happened.
1. The frogs have spawned
We went back to the woods where the kids had been terrorising some tadpoles last week to find the few they had deigned to leave in the pond had ventured further through their intended life cycle and were now decidedly frog-like. So that was our science lesson for the day.
2. Normal service resumes
My husband, who under non-lockdown circumstances never goes more than two consecutive days without buying a coffee, was overjoyed to find one of the local coffee shops open on our walk through the village. You should have seen his little face. He was so content he didn’t even spot the cakes at the other end of the counter.
3. Hair today, gone today
I’d like to believe that part of that joyful smile can be attributed to his snazzy new haircut, courtesy of yours truly. He finally let me loose with the clippers, and the outcome surprised us both. Upon inspection of stage one we both decided that actually he could probably get away with it staying long on top, rather than risk me hacking away cluelessly with the scissors.
I think it rather suits him but may have taken my praise a bit far today when I mused that it made him look hip and young and he might be able to pass for 23 if he ‘had a little bit of Botox’. Talk about pissing on his chips.
4. Give peas a chance
My contrary middle child has recently refused to eat peas - the absolute staple of children's meals for decades. I mean come on, what child doesn't like peas? Anyway, needless to say she was unimpressed when she was presented with peas at teatime (I don't pander to it).
After she had announced it was the most stupid dinner ever (which funnily enough was what she said about yesterday's pea-free effort) we ran a gamut of emotions together while she had to suffer these revolting little spheres of evil on her plate. Sulking, indignation, anger, tears, plain fury....
Meanwhile on the other side of me I noticed Xander was quietly rifling through his own tea and very carefully picking out the peas, popping them one-by-one into his mouth and happily discarding anything else onto the floor.
Problem solved. I scooped every pea off Bella's plate and put them on Xander's tray and everyone was happy.
And that's your lot. Until next time...
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